Midlife ladies fabulous but lonely

I’m looking for women friends who don’t conform to the standard mould. I seek friends (between 45-55 give or take a few, I’m less concerned with numbers than emotional kinship) who are comfortable with open honest conversations about the things that matter to them in life and aren’t shy about speaking up.

I’m looking for other women who have made tough choices and developed strength and tenderness in equal measure through overcoming experiences of loss, unfairness, perhaps even prejudice or outright exclusion. Have you, like me, built a family life with little to no support, but love life and are holding tight to your ambition, pleasure and creativity, hoping that there’s still opportunity for you? Are you an accomplished woman of a certain age trying to figure out how or where you fit in?

Are you also fighting for proper medical support for perimenopause/menopause transition and aren’t ashamed of it? Everything I see directed at women my age assumes that life has been linear, stable, and gone according to the ‘normal’ plan. Except that’s not true for me. My family wasn’t built easily, quickly or on the standard timetable. And it’s not done yet. There were delays and sacrifices and major trade offs to cope with. My kids are still young, and all the parents I meet in the school groups are much younger than me with a lot less life experience. They cannot relate to what I’ve been through or the challenges I’m facing no matter how kind and well meaning they are.

I’ve had to move country a handful of times. Each time expecting to ‘settle down’ and investing myself fully, but eventually had to face that world events pushed us to move again. We chose to come to Denmark to give our children a safe stable upbringing. That was an enormous privilege. But of course no place is perfect.

And while the children are thriving and we are so very grateful, it has been very difficult and isolating - especially so for me. I don’t fit the mould. I can’t conform even if I wanted to. I’m just different. I like who I am, and I don’t mind being unusual. In fact I’m used to it. But here it seems being too different keeps people at a distance. Making a life for myself, finding friends and building a sense of belonging has so far been a 5yr exercise in enduring repeated failed attempts. I have persued hobbies and made some friends, but I haven’t found anyone my age who is struggling with the same things or coping with the same stage of a woman’s life. Everyone has family that they return to for holidays and breaks. I don’t have that. Everyone I’ve met has readily found their place in the job market and enjoys that sense of value and belonging. I have struggled to find that despite my education and experience. It’s lonely. And it tests my sense of personal value at times. It can be hard not to feel unwanted.

Can you relate? I’m hoping I am not the only one. If any of this speaks to you, let me know.